GARY.

From the window adjacent to my drawing table I can watch the lizards doing what lizards do. I can’t imagine what it would be to be a lizard (not that I haven’t tried). What I do recognise is some sense of awareness; of me when I approach too closely, of other lizards who occupy a similar territory, of what is food and what is not, of temperature, of light, and of things I could not imagine. Each lizard seems to have a simple life. Eat, rest, drink, move, shelter, reproduce, fight and retreat. The territory is held by one dominant male. Garry (my name for him) is near ten years old. He has fathered many, eaten some, competed with ambitious males, fought off intruders, shows no affection to his offspring, shares nothing: he is as independent a specimen as I could imagine. And yes, I do imagine.

Garry demonstrates no emotional qualities. His feelings are limited to that which are necessary for his survival. His are the basic senses we all have: thermal, olfactory, taste, auditory, visual, pressure, proprioseptivity.

I don’t know whether Garry cares, loves, hates, feels loss, pleasure, even fear. In his typical non-descript  pose he gives nothing away. Among his kind he is understood. Yet there seems to be a prescribed course of action predetermined or reactionary, standardised in evolution, aimed at survival.

I might attach some human feelings and emotions to him by his actions and circumstances but since I have no idea what’s going on in his brain I can only assume I am hypothercising.

Peculiarly enough, we do the same with other humans, cats, dogs, most furry animals, and a few odd creatures we might admire or keep as pets. Adopting another species as a human substitute is characteristically human. It’s more likely we are behaving more like the other species than they us. Have you seen the way people behave around their dogs? Ech! One might wonder who is in charge with pets and people.

All this watching and pondering as led me to request that I come back as a lizard. That should suit me nicely for my next round at living.